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Festive Fling With The Single Dad
Annie Claydon
From festive fling… …to forever family? In this Pups that Make Miracles story, single dad vet Aksel Olson doesn’t have time for romance; his recently discovered daughter is his priority now. But his vivacious new neighbor, physiotherapist Flora McNeith, is helping Aksel connect with his little girl in the way he longs to…and spending time together, neither can resist their attraction. Could a Christmas fling open both their hearts to a new beginning…together?
From festive fling…
…to forever family?
In this Pups that Make Miracles story, single dad vet Aksel Olson doesn’t have time for romance; his recently discovered daughter is his priority now. But his vivacious new neighbor, physiotherapist Flora McNeith, is helping Aksel connect with his little girl in the way he longs to…and spending time together, neither he nor Flora can resist their attraction. Could a Christmas fling open both their hearts to a new beginning…together?
Cursed with a poor sense of direction and a propensity to read, ANNIE CLAYDON spent much of her childhood lost in books. A degree in English Literature followed by a career in computing didn’t lead directly to her perfect job—writing romance for Mills & Boon—but she has no regrets in taking the scenic route. She lives in London: a city where getting lost can be a joy.
Also by Annie Claydon (#u6b4c1643-0590-5e0f-b459-9744998a0d45)
London Heroes miniseries
Falling for Her Italian Billionaire
Second Chance with the Single Mum
Pups that Make Miracles collection
Highland Doc’s Christmas Rescue by Susan Carlisle
Festive Fling with the Single Dad
Available now
And look out for the next two books
Making Christmas Special Again by Annie O’Neil
Their One-Night Christmas Gift by Karin Baine
Coming soon
Discover more at millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk).
Festive Fling with the Single Dad
Annie Claydon
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
ISBN: 978-1-474-09028-5
FESTIVE FLING WITH THE SINGLE DAD
В© 2019 Annie Claydon
Published in Great Britain 2019
by Mills & Boon, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, locations and incidents are purely fictional and bear no relationship to any real life individuals, living or dead, or to any actual places, business establishments, locations, events or incidents. Any resemblance is entirely coincidental.
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Note to Readers (#u6b4c1643-0590-5e0f-b459-9744998a0d45)
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To Charlotte
With grateful thanks
Contents
Cover (#u7d1497e7-861d-5fbb-96d6-f4f64012801d)
Back Cover Text (#ub77cb48a-c0f7-52d6-9cd9-409c4bce075e)
About the Author (#u3e555c9a-98de-5338-a9d0-3ff974518d2d)
Booklist (#ue8495d20-64dc-5760-9eff-1633398fc6dc)
Title Page (#u452ec257-c04e-5932-8d6e-9c008b52ad5e)
Copyright (#ub10df6e7-390f-5de8-b5aa-1d97f76a5476)
Note to Readers
Dedication (#ucea159d2-62e2-5f41-8253-b3094cad9abe)
CHAPTER ONE (#u2d273843-2154-51b7-83b3-abd14aecac91)
CHAPTER TWO (#u8f68194b-d37b-5837-a27e-0cb8ae77a81c)
CHAPTER THREE (#ua1830ef3-878c-5f28-aff5-a58c1dfb0b7d)
CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER FIFTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER SIXTEEN (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER ONE (#u6b4c1643-0590-5e0f-b459-9744998a0d45)
UP CLOSE, HE looked even more…
More outdoorsy. Taller and blonder and… Just more. A two-day beard covered a square jaw, and his mane of shoulder-length hair was tied at the nape of his neck. His casual shirt and worn jeans gave the impression of an off-duty Norse god, and Flora McNeith resisted the temptation to curtsey. It was slightly over the top as a greeting for a new neighbour.
�Hi. I’m Flora. From next door.’ She gestured towards her own cottage, tugging at Dougal’s lead in a fruitless attempt to get him to sit down for just one moment. �Welcome to the village.’
He looked a little taken aback when she thrust the food box, containing half a dozen home-made mince pies into his hands. It might be more than three weeks until Christmas, but the lights of the Christmas tree in the village had already been turned on, and in Flora’s book any time after September was a good time for mince pies.
�That’s very kind.’ His voice was very deep, the kind of tone that befitted the very impressive chest that it came from. And it appeared that whatever kind of deity Aksel Olson was, language and communication weren’t part of his remit. He was regarding her silently.
�I work at the Heatherglen Castle Clinic. I hear that your daughter, Mette, is a patient there.’ Maybe if she explained herself a little more, she might get a reaction.
Something flickered in his eyes at the mention of his daughter. Reflective and sparkling, like sunshine over a sheet of ice.
�Are you going to be part of Mette’s therapy team?’
Right. That put Flora in her place. Apparently that was the only thing that interested Aksel about her.
�No, I’m a physiotherapist. I gather that your daughter is partially sighted…’ Flora bit her tongue. That sounded as if everyone was gossiping about him, which was half-true. The whisper that Mette’s father was single had gone around like wildfire amongst the female staff at the clinic. Now that Flora had met Aksel, she understood what the excitement was all about.
�You read the memo, then?’ Something like humour flashed in his eyes, and Flora breathed a small sigh of relief. Lyle Sinclair must have told him about the memo.
�Yes. I did.’ Every time a new patient was admitted a memo went round, introducing the newest member of the clinic’s community and asking every member of staff to welcome them. It was just one of the little things that made the clinic very special.
�Would you like to come in for coffee?’ Suddenly he stood back from the door.
�Oh!’ Aksel’s taciturn manner somehow made the words he did say seem more sincere. �I shouldn’t… Dougal and I are just getting used to each other and I haven’t dared take him anywhere for coffee yet. I’m afraid he’ll get over-excited and do some damage.’
Aksel squatted down on his heels, in front of the ten-week-old brindle puppy, his face impassive.
�Hi, there, Dougal.’
Dougal was nosing around the porch, his tail wagging ferociously. At the sound of his name he looked up at Aksel, his odd ears twitching to attention. He circled the porch, to show off his new red fleece dog coat, and Flora stepped over the trailing lead, trying not to get snagged in it. Then Dougal trotted up to Aksel, nosing at his outstretched hand, and decided almost immediately he’d found a new best buddy. Finally, Aksel smiled, stroking the puppy’s head.
�I’m sure we’ll manage. Why don’t you come in?’
Two whole sentences. And the sudden warmth in his eyes was very hard to resist.
�In that case… Thank you.’ Flora stepped into the hallway and Dougal tugged on his lead in delight.
He took her coat, looking around the empty hallway as if it was the first time he’d seen it. There was nowhere to hang it and he walked into the kitchen, draping it neatly over the back of one of the chairs that stood around the table. Flipping open a series of empty cupboards, he found some packets of coffee and a small copper kettle, which seemed to be the only provisions he’d brought with him.
Dougal had recovered from his customary two seconds of shyness over being in a new environment and was tugging at the lead again, clearly having seen the young chocolate-coloured Labrador that was sitting watchfully in a dog basket in the far corner of the kitchen. Flora bent down, trying to calm him, and he started to nuzzle at her legs.
�Kari. Gi labb.’ In response to Aksel’s command, the Labrador rose from its bed, trotting towards them, then sitting down and offering her paw to Flora. Flora took it and Kari then started to go through her own getting-to-know-you routine with Dougal.
�She’s beautiful.’ The Labrador was gentle and impressively well trained. �This is Mette’s assistance dog?’
Aksel nodded. �Kari’s staying with me for a while, until Mette settles in. She’s not used to having a dog.’
�Part of the programme, up at the clinic, will be getting Mette used to working with Kari. You’ll be taking her there when you visit?’
�Yes. I find that the canine therapy centre has some use for me in the mornings, and I’ll spend every afternoon with Mette.’
�It’s great that you’re here to give her all the support she needs.’
He nodded quietly. �Mette’s sight loss is due to an injury in a car accident. Her mother was driving, and she was killed.’
Flora caught her breath. The rumours hadn’t included that tragic detail. �I’m so sorry. It must be incredibly hard for you both.’
�It is for Mette. Lisle and I hadn’t been close for some years.’
All the same, he must feel something… But from the finality in his tone and the hint of blue steel in his eyes, Aksel clearly didn’t want to talk about it. She should drop the subject.
Kari had somehow managed to calm Dougal’s excitement, and Flora bent down to let him off the lead. But as soon as she did so, Dougal bounded over to Aksel, throwing himself at his ankles. Aksel smiled suddenly, bending towards the little dog, his quiet words and his touch calming him.
�Sorry… I’ve only had him a couple of days, I’m looking after him for Esme Ross-Wylde.’ Aksel must know who Esme was if he was working at the canine therapy centre. Charles and Esme Ross-Wylde were a brother and sister team, Charles running the Heatherglen Castle Clinic, and Esme the canine therapy centre. �He’s a rescue dog and Esme’s trying to find him a good home.’
�You can’t take him?’ Aksel’s blue gaze swept up towards her, and Flora almost gasped at its intensity.
�No…no, I’d like to but…’ Flora had fallen in love with the puppy almost as soon as she’d seen him. He’d been half-starved and frightened of his own shadow when he’d first been found, but as soon as he’d been given a little care his loving nature had emerged. The strange markings on his shaggy brindle coat and his odd ears had endeared him to Flora even more.
�It wouldn’t be fair to leave him alone all day while you were at work.’ Aksel’s observation was exactly to the point.
�Yes, that’s right. I drop him off at the canine therapy centre and they look after him during the day, but that’s a temporary arrangement. Dougal’s been abandoned once and at the moment he tends to panic whenever he’s left alone.’
Aksel nodded. A few quiet words to Kari, that Flora didn’t understand, and the Labrador fetched a play ball from her basket, dropping it in front of Dougal. Dougal got the hint and started to push it around the room excitedly, the older dog carefully containing him and helping him play.
Aksel went through the process of searching through the kitchen cupboards again, finding a baking sheet to put the mince pies on and putting them in the oven to warm. The water in the copper kettle had boiled and he took it off the stove, tipping a measure of coffee straight into it. That was new to Flora, and if it fitted exactly with Aksel’s aura of a mountain man, it didn’t bode too well for the taste of the coffee.
�I hear you’re an explorer.’ Someone had to do the getting-to-know-you small talk and Flora was pretty sure that wasn’t part of Aksel’s vocabulary. He raised his eyebrows in reply.
�It said so in the memo.’
�I used to be an explorer.’ The distinction seemed important to him. �I’m trained as a vet and that’s what I do now.’
�I’ve never met anyone who used to be an explorer before. Where have you been?’
�Most of South America. The Pole….’
Flora shivered. �The Pole? North or South?’
�Both.’
That explained why she’d seen him setting off from his cottage early this morning, striding across the road and into the snow-dappled countryside beyond, with the air of a man who was just going for a walk. And the way that Aksel seemed quite comfortable in an open-necked shirt when the temperature in the kitchen made Flora feel glad of the warm sweater she was wearing.
�So you’re used to the cold.’
Aksel smiled suddenly. �Let’s go into the sitting room.’
He tipped the coffee from the kettle into two mugs, opening the oven to take the mince pies out and leading the way through the hallway to the sitting room. As he opened the door, Flora felt warmth envelop her, along with the scent of pine.
The room was just the same as the kitchen. Comfortable and yet it seemed that Aksel’s presence here had made no impact on it. Apart from the mix of wood and pine cones burning in the hearth, it looked as if he’d added nothing of his own to the well-furnished rental cottage.
Kari had picked the dog toy up in her mouth, and Dougal followed her into the room. She lay down on the rug in front of the fire, and the puppy followed suit, his tail thumping on the floor as Kari dropped the toy in front of him.
�He’ll be hot in here. I should take his coat off.’ Flora couldn’t help grimacing as she said the words. Dougal liked the warm dog coat she’d bought for him, and getting him out of it wasn’t as easy as it sounded. Perhaps he’d realise that they were in company, and not make so much of a fuss this time.
Sadly not. As soon as he realised Flora’s intent, the little dog decided that this was the best of all times for a game of catch-me-if-you-can. When she knelt, trying to persuade him out from under the coffee table, he barked joyously, darting out to take refuge under a chair.
She followed him, shooting Aksel an apologetic glance. His broad grin didn’t help. Clearly he found this funny.
�He thinks this is a game. You’re just reinforcing that by joining in with him. Come and drink your coffee, he’ll come to you soon enough.’
Right. The coffee. Flora had been putting off the moment when good manners dictated that she’d have to take her first sip. But what Aksel said made sense, and he obviously had some experience in the matter. Flora sat down, reaching for her mug.
�This is…nice.’ It was nice. Slightly sweeter than she was used to and with clear tones of taste and scent. Not what she’d expected at all.
�It’s a light roast. This is a traditional Norwegian method of making it.’
�The easiest way when you’re travelling as well.’ A good cup of coffee that could be made without the need for filters or machines. Flora took another mouthful, and found that it was even more flavoursome than the first.
�That too. Only I don’t travel any more.’ He seemed to want to make that point very clear, and Flora thought that she heard regret in his tone. She wanted to ask, but Dougal chose that moment to come trotting out from under the chair to nuzzle at Aksel’s legs.
He leaned forward, picking the little dog up and talking quietly to him in Norwegian. Dougal seemed to understand the gist of it, although Flora had no idea what the conversation was about, and Aksel had him out of the dog coat with no fuss or resistance.
�That works.’ She shot Aksel a smile and he nodded, lifting Dougal down from his lap so that he could join Kari by the fire.
�You’re not from Scotland, are you?’ He gave a half-smile in response to Flora’s querying look. �Your accent sounds more English.’
He had a good ear. Aksel’s English was very good, but not many people could distinguish between accents in a second language.
�My father’s a diplomat, and I went to an English school in Italy. But both my parents are Scots, my dad comes from one of the villages a few miles from here. Cluchlochry feels like home.’
He nodded. �Tell me about the clinic.’
�Surely Dr Sinclair’s told you all you need to know…’
�Yes, he has.’ Aksel shot her a thoughtful look, and Flora nodded. Of course he wanted to talk about the place that was going to be Mette’s home for the next six weeks. Aksel might be nice to look at—strike that, the man was downright gorgeous—but in truth the clinic was about all they had in common.
The first thing that Aksel had noticed about Flora was her red coat, standing out in the feeble light of a cold Saturday morning. The second, third and fourth things had come in rapid and breathtaking succession. Her fair hair, which curled around her face. The warmth in her honey-brown eyes. Her smile. The feeling in the pit of his stomach told him that he liked her smile, very much.
It was more than enough to convince Aksel to keep his distance. He’d always thought that dating a woman should be considered a privilege, and it was one that he’d now lost. Lisle had made it very clear that he wasn’t worthy of it, by not even telling him that they’d conceived a child together. And now that he had found out about his daughter, Mette was his one and only priority.
But when he’d realised that Flora worked at the clinic, keeping his distance took on a new perspective. He should forget about the insistent craving that her scent awakened, it was just an echo from a past he’d left behind. He’d made up his mind that being a part of the clinic’s community was a way to help Mette. And his way into that community had just turned up on his doorstep in the unlikely form of an angel, struggling to control an unruly puppy.
He’d concentrated on making friends with Dougal first, as that was far less challenging than looking into Flora’s eyes. And when she’d started to talk about the work of the children’s unit of the clinic, he’d concentrated on how that would help his daughter. His daughter. Aksel still couldn’t even think the words without having to remind himself that he really did have a daughter.
�I’ve arranged with Dr Sinclair that Mette will be staying at the clinic full time for the first week, to give her a chance to settle in. After that, she’ll be spending time at the weekend and several nights a week here, with me.’
�Oh. I see.’ Flora’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.
Aksel knew that the arrangement was out of the ordinary. Dr Sinclair had explained to him that most residents benefited from the immersive experience that the clinic offered, but he’d listened carefully to Aksel’s concerns about being separated from Mette. The sensitive way that the issue had been handled was one of the reasons that Aksel had chosen the Heatherglen Castle Clinic.
Flora was clearly wondering why Mette was being treated differently from other patients, but she didn’t ask. Aksel added that to the ever-growing list of things he liked about her. She trusted the people she worked with, and was too professional to second-guess their decisions.
�Mette and I are still working on…things…’ He was the one who needed to do the work. He was still practically a stranger to Mette, and he had to work to prove that she could trust him, and that he’d always be there for her.
�Well, I’m sure that whatever you and Dr Sinclair have agreed is best.’ She drained her cup and set it down on the small table next to her chair. �I’m going to the clinic to catch up on a few things this afternoon. Would you mind if I dropped in to see her, just to say hello and welcome her?’
�Thank you. That’s very kind…’ Sudden joy, at the thought of seeing Flora again turned his heartbeat into a reckless, crazy ricochet. �I’ll be going in to see her this afternoon as well.’
�Oh…’ Flora shot him an awkward smile, as if she hadn’t expected that eventuality. �Would you like a lift?’
�Thanks, but Kari needs a walk.’ Kari raised her head slightly, directing her melting brown gaze at Aksel. Flora appeared to be taking the excuse at face value, but there was no getting past Kari.
He’d explain. On the way to the clinic, he’d tell Kari about yet another dark place in his heart, the one which made it impossible for Aksel to get too close to Flora. He’d confide his regrets and Kari would listen, the way she always did, without comment.
Dougal had been persuaded to say goodbye to his newfound friends and had followed Flora through the gap in the hedge, back to her own front door. When they were inside, she let him off the lead and he made his usual dash into the kitchen and around the sitting room, just to check that nothing had changed while he’d been away.
She leaned back against the door, resisting the temptation to flip the night latch. Locking Aksel out was all she wanted to do at the moment, but it was too late. He was already giving her that strong, silent look of his. Already striding through her imagination as if he owned it. At the moment, he did.
But if Flora knew anything about relationships, she knew that losing the first battle meant nothing. Aksel might have taken her by surprise, and breached her defences, but she was ready for him now.
Not like Tom… Eighteen, and loving the new challenges of being away from home at university. Her first proper boyfriend. So many firsts…
And then, the final, devastating first time. Flora had gone with Tom to visit his family for a week, and found his parents welcoming and keen to know all about her and her family. But when she’d spoken of her beloved brother, they hadn’t listened to anything she’d said about Alec’s dry humour, his love of books or how proud Flora was of his tenacious determination to live his life to the full. The only two words they’d heard were �cystic fibrosis’.
Tom’s parents had convinced him that his relationship with Flora must end. She had desperately tried to explain. She might carry the defective gene that caused cystic fibrosis, but she might not and if her children developed the condition then it would be a result of her partner also carrying the gene. Tom had listened impassively.
Then Flora had realised. Tom had already understood that, and so had his parents. Pleading with him to change his mind and take her back would have been a betrayal, of both Alec and herself. She’d gone upstairs and packed her bags, leaving without another word.
�What do you think, Dougal?’ The puppy had returned to her side, obviously puzzled that she was still here in the hallway, and probably wondering if she was ever going to find her way to the jar in the kitchen that held the dog treats.
No answer. Maybe Dougal had that one right. He’d been abandoned too, and he knew the value of a warm hearth and a little kindness. Flora had found a home here, and she needed nothing else but her work.
�We’re going to find you a home too, Dougal. Somewhere really nice with people who love you.’ Flora walked into the kitchen, opening the jar of dog treats and giving Dougal one, and then reaching for a bar of chocolate for herself.
Chocolate was a great deal more predictable in the gamut of feel-good experiences. Aksel might be blood-meltingly sexy, and far too beautiful for anyone’s peace of mind, but the few fleeting affairs she’d had since the break-up with Tom had shown Flora that desire and mistrust were awkward bedfellows. It was as if a switch had been flipped, and her body had lost its ability to respond. Sex had left her unsatisfied, and she’d given up on it.
If you could trust someone enough…
It was far too big an if. She’d kept the reason for her break-up with Tom a secret, knowing that it would hurt Alec and her parents beyond belief. They didn’t deserve that, and neither did she. It was better to accept that being alone wasn’t so bad and to channel all her energies into her work and being a part of the community here in Cluchlochry.
The next time she saw Aksel, she’d be prepared, and think of him only as a new neighbour and the father of one of the clinic’s patients. When it came to thoughtless pleasure, she had chocolate, which made Aksel Olson’s smile officially redundant.
CHAPTER TWO (#u6b4c1643-0590-5e0f-b459-9744998a0d45)
AKSEL HAD WALKED the two miles to the clinic, with Kari trotting placidly beside him. It had done nothing to clear his head. Flora’s smile still seemed to follow him everywhere, like a fine mist of scent that had been mistakenly sprayed in his direction and clung to his clothes. He was unaware of it for minutes on end, and then suddenly it hit him again. Fleeting and ephemeral, and yet enough to make him catch his breath before the illusion was once again lost.
His feet scrunched on the curved gravel drive. Castle Heatherglen Clinic was a real castle, its weathered stone walls and slate roof blending almost organically with the backdrop of rolling countryside and snow-dappled mountains. The Laird, Charles Ross-Wylde had added a new chapter to its long history and transformed his home into a rehabilitation clinic that offered its patients the best medical care, and welcomed them with a warm heart.
The children’s unit was a little less grand than the rest of the building, and the sumptuous accommodation and sweeping staircases had been replaced by bright, comfortable rooms arranged around a well-equipped play area. Aksel had come prepared with a list of things that Mette might like to do, and suitable topics of conversation that might please her. But she seemed restless and bored today, not wanting to sit and listen while he read from her storybooks, and laying aside the toys he presented to her. Aksel’s heart ached for all that his daughter had been through.
The awkward silence was broken by a knock at the door. Mette ignored it, and Aksel called for whoever it was to come in. Maybe it was one of the play specialists, who were on duty every day, and who might help him amuse his daughter.
Mette looked up towards the door, an instinctive reaction, even though she couldn’t see anything that wasn’t within a few feet of her.
�Hi, Mette. My name’s Flora. May I come and visit you for a little while?’ Flora glanced at Aksel and he wondered whether his relief at seeing her had shown on his face.
�Flora’s our neighbour in the village, Mette.’ He volunteered the information in English, and Mette displayed no interest. Flora sat down on the floor next to them, close enough for Mette to be able to see her face.
�I work here, at the clinic. I’m a physiotherapist.’ Mette’s head tilted enquiringly towards Flora at the sound of a word she didn’t know. �That means that I help people who are hurt to feel well again.’
�Where do they hurt…?’ Mette frowned.
�All sorts of places. Their arms might hurt, or their legs. Sometimes it’s their backs or their hips.’
Mette nodded sagely. She’d grown used to being surrounded by doctors and various other medical specialists, and while Aksel valued their kindness, it wasn’t what he wanted for his daughter.
�Have you come to make me better?’
The question almost tore his heart out. No one could make Mette better, and he wondered how Flora could answer a question that left him lost for words.
�No, sweetie. I’m sorry, but I can’t make your eyes better.’ Flora pulled a sad face, the look in her eyes seeming to match his own feelings exactly. �You have a doctor of your own to look after you. Dr Sinclair is very important around here, and he only looks after very important people…’
Flora leaned forward, imparting the information almost in a whisper, as if it were some kind of secret. She was making it sound as if Mette was someone special, not just a patient or a child who couldn’t be helped.
�I’ve come because I heard that you were here, all the way from Norway. I’d like to be friends with you, if that’s all right?’
Maybe it was the smile that did it. Aksel wouldn’t be all that surprised, he’d already fallen victim to Flora’s smile. Mette moved a little closer to her, reaching out as if to feel the warmth of the sun.
�I have a little something that I thought you might like…’ Flora produced a carrier bag from behind her back, giving a little shiver of excitement. Mette was hooked now, and she took the bag.
�What is it?’ There was something inside, and Mette pulled out a parcel, wrapped in shiny paper that caught the light.
�Open it up and see.’
Mette didn’t want to tear the wrappings and Flora waited patiently, guiding her fingers towards the clear tape that held it down. It peeled off easily, and Mette got the paper off in one piece, laying it carefully to one side, and started to inspect her gift.
A rag doll, with a brightly coloured dress and a wide smile stitched onto her face. Mette smiled, clutching the doll tightly to her chest.
�Why don’t you show her to your dad?’
�Papa, look.’ Mette held out the doll, and Aksel’s heart began to thump in his chest. It wasn’t the gift that had made Mette smile, but the way it had been given. The way it was wrapped so carefully, and the warmth of Flora’s manner.
�It’s beautiful… Thank you, Flora.’
�She’s beautiful, Papa,’ Mette corrected him.
�Yes, of course. Sorry. What’s her name?’
Mette thought for a moment. �Annette.’ His daughter pronounced the name with a Norwegian inflection and Aksel repeated the English version for Flora.
�That’s a lovely name. It sounds even better the way you say it…’ Flora waited, and Mette responded, saying the name again so that Flora could mimic her.
This was all so easy, suddenly. Mette laughed over the way that Flora struggled to get her tongue around the Norwegian pronunciation, and when Flora stretched out her arms Mette gave her a hug. So simple, so natural, without any of the thought that Aksel put into his hugs. None of the wondering whether he was going too fast, or too slowly.
But, then, Flora didn’t have agonised hope to contend with. Or the feeling that he didn’t deserve Mette’s hugs. Aksel watched as Mette showed Flora her toys, noticing that Flora didn’t help Mette as much as he did, and that his daughter responded to that by becoming more animated.
�What’s that?’ Flora pointed to a box of jumbo-sized dominoes and Mette opened it, tipping the contents onto the floor. �Oh, dominoes! I love dominoes…’
�Would you like to play?’ The words slipped out before Aksel could stop them. He wanted to watch her with Mette for just a little longer.
Flora treated the request as if it was an invitation to a tour of the seven wonders of the world. Mette couldn’t resist her excited smile and gave an emphatic �Yes!’
�Shall we do that thing first…?’ Mette took a few uncertain steps towards Flora, clearly wanting to know what that thing was. Aksel wanted to know too. �Where you stand them all up in a row and then knock them down again?’
Flora started to gather the dominoes together, putting them in a pile on the floor. �It’s such fun. Your papa will show you, I can never get them to balance properly.’
That was a ruse to get him involved. But Flora could manipulate him as much as she liked if this was the result. Aksel sat down on the floor, and started to line the dominoes up in a spiral pattern, seeing his own hand shake with emotion as he did so. Flora and Mette were both watching him intently, Mette bending forward to see.
�Spirals, eh? Show-off…’ Flora murmured the words and Aksel felt his shoulders relax suddenly. Maybe this wasn’t so difficult after all.
When Flora walked out to her car, it was already getting dark. She’d stayed longer than she’d intended with Aksel and Mette, and the work that she’d expected to take an hour had taken two. That might be something to do with the daydreaming. Aksel’s bulk and strength and the gentle vulnerability that little blonde-haired, blue-eyed Mette brought out in him were downright mouth-watering.
He was so anxious to please and yet so awkward with his daughter. Aksel watched over Mette’s every move, ready to catch her if there was even the smallest likelihood that she might fall. He meant well, but he was smothering her.
Not your business, Flora. Dr Sinclair will deal with it.
Lyle Sinclair had a way of taking patients or their families aside and gently suggesting new ways of looking at things. And Lyle would have the advantage of not feeling quite so hot under the collar at the mere thought of a conversation with Aksel.
�Flora!’
Flora closed her eyes in resignation at the sound of his voice. However hard she tried to escape him… When she turned and saw him striding across the car park towards her, she didn’t want to escape him at all.
�I wanted to thank you.’
He’d done that already. More than once, and in as many words as Aksel seemed capable of.
�It was my pleasure. I always bring a little gift for the children, to make them feel welcome.’ She’d told him that already, too. They could go on for ever like this, repeating the same things over and over again.
�I…’ He spread his hands in a gesture of helplessness. �You have a way with children.’
He made it sound as if it was some kind of supernatural power. Flora frowned. �Children are just…people. Only they’re usually a bit more fun.’
�You have a way with people, then.’
It was a nice compliment, especially since it was accompanied by his smile. Something was bugging him, but she wasn’t the right person to speak to about it. She had too much baggage…
Baggage or experience? Experience was something that she could use to help her get things right this time. She’d been an impressionable teenager when she’d loved Tom, but she knew better now. There was no cosmic rule that said she had to fall for Aksel, and she could handle the regrets over never being able to trust a man enough to build a relationship. If that meant that she’d never be able to sit on the floor and play dominoes with her own child, she could deal with that, too.
Flora turned, opening the rear door of her car and dumping her bags in the footwell. Then she faced him. If all he had to throw at her were longing and regret, she’d already made her peace with them, a long time ago.
�You’ve said “Thank you” already, there’s no need for us to stand in the cold here while you say it again. What’s bugging you?’
That was obviously confronting. But the slight twitch at the corners of his mouth told Flora that challenge was one of the things that he thrived on.
He took a breath, as if preparing himself. �My relationship with Mette’s mother was over before Mette was born and we never lived together as a family.’
What was he trying to say? That he’d been an absent father who hardly knew his own child? His obvious commitment to his daughter made that difficult to believe.
�And now?’
�I can’t bring her mother back, or her sight. But I’d give anything to make her happy and…’ He shrugged. �It’s not working. When I saw you with her this afternoon, I saw how much it wasn’t working.’
Flora thought quickly. Aksel needed the kind of professional help that didn’t fall within her area of expertise.
�Maybe you should talk to Lyle Sinclair. The clinic has a family counsellor who deals with just these kinds of issues, and Lyle could organise a session for you both.’
He shook his head abruptly. �Mette’s just fine the way she is. I won’t put her into counselling just because I need to change.’
�Maybe it’s not about change, but just getting to know each other better. Kathy uses storytelling a lot in her sessions, to make things fun. I’m sure you have plenty of stories about the places you’ve been—’
�No.’ That sounded like a hard limit. �That part of my life is over. Mette needs to know that I’ll be there for her, always. That I’m not about to leave, and go to places that she can’t.’
His heart was in the right place, but his head was way off course, and lost without a map or compass. This wassomething she could help with; Flora had grown up with a brother who hadn’t always been able to do the things that she had. When Alec had been ill, she’d learned how to go out into the world, and to bring something back to share with her brother when she got home.
�Who says that you can’t go together?’ Flora gave an imperious twitch of her finger, indicating that he should follow her, and started to walk.
Flora seemed impatient with him, as if he was stubbornly refusing to see a simple fact that was obvious to her. On one level, Aksel just wanted to see her smile again. But on another, much more urgent level, he reckoned that Flora could be just as annoyed as she liked, if only it meant that she’d tell him what he was doing wrong. The first lesson he needed to learn was how to follow, rather than lead, and he walked beside her silently.
They reached the gravel driveway outside the clinic, and Flora stopped. �You think that Mette doesn’t know what it’s like to be an explorer?’
The warmth in her eyes had been replaced by fire. Aksel swallowed down the thought that he liked that fire, and concentrated on the point that Flora seemed about to make.
�You’re going to tell me different, aren’t you?’
�Just think about it. She can feel the gravel under her feet, and she can hear it scrunch. If she bends down, she can probably see it. She can feel the snow…’ Flora broke off, turning her face up towards the flakes that had started to drift down, and one landed on her cheek. Aksel resisted the temptation to brush it away with his finger, and it melted almost immediately.
�But she can’t see any of this.’ He turned towards the mountains in the distance. He’d give his own sight if Mette could just appreciate the beauty of the world around her.
�Exactly. That’s where you come in. She needs someone to explore with her, and tell her about the things she can’t see for herself.’
�And if it’s upsetting for her?’
�Then you respond to what she’s feeling and stop. Just as long as it’s Mette who’s upset by it, and not you.’
She had a point, and this was a challenge he couldn’t resist. Aksel’s head was beginning to buzz with ideas. �Maybe I could take a photograph of them. She might be able to hold that up close and see it.’
�Now you’re thinking… Speak to Lyle and find out whether he thinks that might work for Mette.’ Flora seemed to know that she’d lit a fuse and she wasn’t taking cover. She wanted more from him.
�Maybe she’d like to go this way.’ He started to walk towards the small, sheltered garden at the side of the property and found that Flora was no longer with him. She was standing still, her hands in her pockets, and one eyebrow raised slightly.
If that was the way she wanted to play it. Aksel returned to her side, holding out his arm. �I’m going to have to guide her there, of course.’
She nodded, slipping her hand into the crook of his elbow. A frisson of excitement accompanied the feel of her falling into step beside him, and Aksel turned his mind to describing the things around them. The darkening bulk of the stone built castle. The sky, still red from the setting sun, and the clouds off to the east, which promised more snow for tonight.
She slipped so easily into a child-like wonder at the things around her. Aksel was considering asking Flora if she might accompany him and Mette when they set out on their own voyage of exploration, but he guessed what her answer might be.
No. You have to do it yourself.
�Careful…!’ He’d seen her reach for a rose bush to one side of the path, and Aksel automatically caught her hand, pulling it away. �It has thorns.’
Something that had been simmering deep beneath the surface began to swell, almost engulfing him. The thought of rose petals, wet with summer rain and vainly attempting to rival the softness of Flora’s cheeks, made him shiver.
�All roses do.’ She turned her gaze onto him, and Aksel saw a sudden sadness, quickly hidden. �Will you let Mette miss the rose because of its thorns?’
That was a hard thought to contemplate. Aksel guided her hand, so that her fingers could brush the leaves. �You must be gentle. In the summer, the rose is the softest of blooms, but the thorns will still hurt you.’
He let her fingers explore the leaves and then the stem, touching the thorns carefully. It seemed to him that the thorns of this world had done Flora some damage, but that she still chose to see roses. She had room in her heart for both Mette and for Dougal, and yet she lived alone. He wanted to ask why, but he didn’t dare.
Flora looked up at him suddenly. �What’s next for us to explore, then?’
A whole spectrum of senses and experiences, none of which involved asking personal questions. Aksel took her to the trunk of an old tree, which twisted against the castle wall, and she followed the rough curves of its bark with her fingers. He explained the eerie wail of a fox, drifting towards them from somewhere beyond his own range of vision. The temptation to draw her closer, and let his body shelter her against the wind, hammered against him.
�I can hear water…’ Flora seemed intent on playing this game out.
�Over here.’ A small stream trickled past the flower beds, curving its way out into the surrounding countryside. Flora’s excitement seemed real, and he wondered whether she was play-acting or not.
�I don’t think I can get across…’ Mette wouldn’t be able to jump to the other side, so neither could Flora.
The temptation was just too great. He could justify it by saying that this was what he would have done with Mette, or he could just give in to it and enjoy. Right now, the urge to just enjoy was thundering in his veins.
�I could carry you.’ He called her bluff, wondering who’d be the first to blink.
�You’re sure you won’t drop me?’
He was about to tell her that he’d carried heavier weights, over much more difficult terrain, and then he realised that Flora was looking him up and down. This was a challenge that he couldn’t back off from.
�Let’s find out.’ He wound his arm around her back, waiting for her to respond, and Flora linked her hands behind his neck. Then he picked her up in his arms.
Stepping across the narrow stream was nothing. Having her close was everything, a dizzying, heady sensation that made Aksel forget about anything else. Her scent invaded his senses and all he wanted to do was hold Flora for as long as she’d allow it.
He wondered if she could feel the resonance of his heart pounding against his ribs. Feeling her arms tighten around him, he looked into her face and suddenly he was lost. Her gaze met his, seeming to understand everything, all of his hope and fears and his many, many uncertainties. He might be struggling to keep his head above water, but she was the rock that he clung to.
None of that mattered. Her eyes were dark in the twilight, her lips slightly parted. The only thing that Aksel could think about was how her kiss might taste.
He resisted. It seemed that Flora was too. This was all wrong, but he couldn’t make a move to stop it.
�Are you going to put me down now?’ She murmured the words, still holding him tight in the spell of her gaze. Aksel moved automatically, setting her back on her feet, and for a moment he saw disappointment in her eyes. Then she smiled.
�Where shall we go next?’
Their voyage of exploration wasn’t over. And Aksel had discovered one, basic truth. That he must navigate carefully between the dangerous waters of Flora’s eyes, and the absolute need to do his best for Mette.
�Over there.’ Light was pooling around a glazed door, which led back into the castle. He needed that light, in order to forget the way that shadows had caressed Flora’s face, in a way that he never could.
CHAPTER THREE (#u6b4c1643-0590-5e0f-b459-9744998a0d45)
FLORA OPENED HER EYES. Sunday morning. A time to relax and think about nothing.
Nothing wasn’t going to work. That was when Aksel invaded her thoughts. The night-time dreams of a perfect family, which were usually brushed off so easily when she woke, had been fleshed out with faces. Aksel had been there, and her children had their father’s ice-blue eyes. The image had made her heart ache.
And she’d come so close yesterday. Almost done it…
Almost didn’t matter. She hadn’t kissed him and she wasn’t going to. She’d flirted a bit—Flora could admit to that. They’d shared a moment, it was impossible to deny that either. But they’d drawn back from it, like grown-up, thinking people. It took trust to make a relationship, and that was the one thing that Flora couldn’t feel any more.
She got out of bed, wrapping her warm dressing gown around her and opening the curtains. Not picturing Aksel at all. Actually, she didn’t need to imagine he was there, because he was the first thing she saw when she looked out over the land that bordered the village. Kari was racing to fetch a ball that he’d just flung into the air, and he turned, as if aware of her gaze on him. Seeing her at the window, he waved.
Great. Not only was he intruding into her dreams, he seemed to have taken over her waking moments now. Flora waved back, turning from the window.
Somehow, Aksel managed to follow her into the shower. Wet-haired, with rivulets of water trickling over his chest. Then downstairs, as butter melted on her toast, he was standing by the stove, making coffee in that little copper kettle of his.
�If he’s going to stalk me, then perhaps he should do the washing-up…’ Dougal was busy demolishing the contents of his bowl, and gave Flora’s comment the disregard that it deserved. Aksel wasn’t stalking her. She was doing this all by herself.
The doorbell rang and Dougal rushed out into the hallway, knocking over his water bowl in the process. He was pawing at the front door, barking excitedly, and Flora bent down to pick him up. Then she saw Aksel’s dark shadow on the other side of the obscured glass. She jumped back, yelping in surprise, and the shadow suddenly seemed to back away too.
She opened the door, trying to compose herself. At least the real Aksel bothered to wait on the doorstep and didn’t just waltz in as if he owned the place.
�Is this too early…?’ Today he was clean-shaven, with just the top half of his hair caught back, leaving the rest to flow around his shoulders. How on earth did he get such gorgeous hair to look so masculine? Flora dismissed the question for later, and concentrated on the one he’d asked.
�No. Not at all.’ A cold wind was whipping through into the house, and Flora stood back from the door. �Come in.’
She led the way through to the kitchen, and both he and Kari stepped neatly around the puddle of spilt water from Dougal’s bowl. He insisted that he didn’t want coffee, and that she should sit down and have her breakfast while he cleared up the mess. Flora sat, taking a gulp from her mug while he fetched a cloth and wiped up the water, washing the bowl in the sink before refilling it for Dougal.
�I assume you didn’t just pop in to wipe my kitchen floor for me?’ Who knew that a man could look sexy doing housework? If she wasn’t very careful, she would find herself fantasising about that, too.
�No. I came to ask you a favour.’
�Fire away.’ Flora waved him to a seat, and picked up her toast.
�I did some reorganisation this morning, to prepare for when Mette comes back to the cottage to stay with me.’ He frowned, clearly not very pleased with the results. �I wondered if you might take a look, and tell me what you think? I won’t keep you long.’
This was where the fantasy stopped. Mette was a patient at the clinic, and Aksel was a father in need of some help. It was safer, more comfortable ground, even if it was less thrilling. Flora got to her feet.
�Okay. Let’s have a look.’
Aksel picked Dougal up in his arms, and all four of them squeezed through the hole in the hedge, Flora shivering as the wind tugged at her sweater. Dougal followed Kari into the sitting room, and He led the way up the stairs. Flora was surprised when he opened the door to the left because this cottage was the mirror image of hers, with the smaller bedroom and a bathroom to the right. She followed him inside.
Aksel had obviously made an effort. There was a toy box with a row of cuddly animals lined up on the top. A single bed stood at the other end of the room with the wardrobe and chest of drawers.
�This is nice. I can see you’ve covered all the health and safety aspects.’ The room was immaculately tidy, which would help Mette find what she wanted. He’d obviously been thinking about trip hazards and sharp edges, and all of the wall sockets had protectors fitted.
�That’s easy enough.’ Aksel was looking around the room with a dissatisfied gaze. �It’s not very pretty, though, is it?’
It was a bit stark. But that could be fixed easily. �Why did you choose this room for Mette?’
�It’s the biggest.’
�Big isn’t always best. In a very large room like this, Mette might find it difficult to orientate herself.’
Aksel thought for a moment, and then nodded, striding across the hallway and opening the door of the other bedroom. Inside, Flora could see a large double bed, which must have come from the main bedroom. This room too was scrupulously tidy, as if Aksel had decided to camp here for the night and would be moving on soon.
He looked around, assessing her suggestion. �I think you’re right. I’ll move everything back the way it was.’
�Would you like a hand?’ The heavy bedframe must have been a bit of a struggle.
�Thanks, but I’ll manage. What else?’
�Well… I’m no expert…’
�Give me your next-door-neighbour opinion.’ His smile sliced through all of Flora’s resolutions not to interfere too much and she puffed out a breath, looking around.
�You’re not here for long so you don’t want to make any permanent changes. But it would be great to be able to change the tone and brightness of the light in here to suit her needs. Maybe get some lamps with programmable bulbs that you can take with you when you go?’
He nodded. �That’s a great idea. What else?’
�Taking her toy box downstairs and just having a few cuddly toys up here for bedtime might get her used to the idea that upstairs is for sleeping. If you use bright colours that she can see, it’ll help guide her around the room. And what about some textures, a comforter or a bedspread…?’
He walked across to the nightstand next to his bed, picking up a notebook and flipping it open. �Lights…’ He scribbled a note. �Colours… Textures… Bedspread.’
Flora nodded. �If you got her a nice bedspread, then perhaps she could use it here and on her bed at the clinic. Then, if she wakes up in the night, she’ll have something that feels familiar right there.’
Aksel nodded, scribbling another entry in the notebook. �Good idea. Anything else?’
�What does Mette like?’
That seemed the hardest question of all to answer. �Um… Sparkly things, mostly. And she likes it when I read to her. She always wants the same stories over and over again.’
�The ones her mother read to her?’
�Yes. I think they help her to feel more secure.’
�Then use them as a guide. Maybe choose some things that feature in her favourite stories.’
�That’s a great idea, thank you.’ He made another note in his notebook before putting it into the back pocket of his jeans and striding back to the main bedroom. �I’ll take the toy box downstairs now. If you could suggest a place for it…’
He was trying so hard. Maybe that was the problem, he wanted to make everything perfect for Mette and couldn’t be satisfied with anything less. Flora watched as he cleared the cuddly animals from the top of the toy box, trying not to notice how small they looked in his large, gentle hands.
�Oh…wait, I’ll give you a hand…’ Aksel had lifted the large wooden box alone, hardly seeming to notice its weight.
�That’s all right. If you’ll just stand aside.’
She could do that. Flora jumped out of his way, noticing the flex of muscle beneath his shirt as he manoeuvred the box through the doorway. She followed him as he carried it downstairs, swallowing down the lump in her throat. Aksel’s strong frame was impressive when he was at rest, but in action it was stunning.
�Over there, maybe…?’ He was standing in the centre of the sitting room, looking around with a perplexed look on his face. Flora shifted one of the chairs that stood around the fireside, and he finally put the box down, one hand rubbing his shoulder as he straightened up.
�Is your shoulder all right?’ He raised an eyebrow, and Flora felt herself redden. Okay, so she’d been looking at his shoulders. �Professional interest. I’m a physiotherapist, remember?’
�It’s fine. It was just a little stiff this morning.’
His tone told Flora to leave it, so she did. �Maybe we could move one of the lights so that when Mette opens the box she can see inside better.’
Suddenly Aksel grinned. �Kari…’
The dog raised her head, moving from relaxed fireside mode to work mode immediately. In response to a command in Norwegian, she trotted over to the box and inserted her paw into a semi-circular hole cut into the side, under the lid. Flora heard a click and the lid swung open smoothly, its motion clearly controlled by a counterbalance mechanism.
The ease of opening was just the beginning. As the box opened, light flooded the inside of the box, and Flora could see that there were small LEDs around the edge, shaded at the top so that they would shine downwards and not dazzle Mette. The contents were carefully arranged in plastic baskets, so that she would be able to find whatever she wanted.
�That’s fantastic! Wherever did you get this?’
�I made it. There was nothing on the market that quite suited Mette’s needs.’ Aksel was clearly pleased with Flora’s approval.
She knelt down beside the box, inspecting it carefully. The lid opened easily enough for a child…or a dog…to lift it and the counterbalance mechanism meant that once open there was no danger of it slamming shut on small fingers. The lights came on when the lid opened and flicked off again as it closed, and they illuminated the contents of the box in a soft, clear light.
And the box itself was a masterpiece, made of wooden panels that were smooth and warm to the touch. It was quite plain but that was part of its beauty. The timber had obviously been carefully chosen and its swirling grain made this piece one of a kind.
�Mette must love it.’ It was a gift that only a loving and thoughtful father could have made. And someone who was a skilled craftsman as well.
He nodded, looking around the room restlessly as if searching for the next thing that needed to be done. Aksel’s response to any problem was to act on it, and he was obviously struggling with the things he could do nothing about. No wonder he was carrying some tension in his shoulders.
�We could go and do some shopping, if you wanted. It won’t take long to pick out a few things to brighten Mette’s bedroom up.’
�Would you mind…?’ He was halfway towards the door, obviously ready to turn thought into action as soon as possible, and then stopped himself. �Perhaps another time. Whenever it’s convenient for you.’
Flora allowed herself a smile. �Now’s fine. I’ll go and get my coat.’
Aksel had been struggling to get the fantasy out of his head ever since he’d opened his eyes this morning. Rumpled sheets and Flora’s cheeks, flushed with sleep.
Yesterday had shown him how easy it would be to slip into loving intimacy with Flora, but her reaction had told him that she didn’t want that any more than he did. The word impossible usually made his blood fire in his veins at the thought of proving that nothing was impossible, and it had taken Flora’s look of quiet certainty to convince him that there was something in this world that truly was impossible.
He could deal with that. If he just concentrated on having her as a friend, and forgot all about wanting her as a lover, then it would be easy. When she returned, wearing a dark green coat with a red scarf, and holding Dougal’s dog coat and lead, he ignored the way that the cottage seemed suddenly full of light and warmth again.
�Why don’t you leave him here? They’ll be fine together.’ The puppy was curled up in front of the fire with Kari, and didn’t seem disposed to move.
�You think so?’ Flora tickled Dougal’s head and he squirmed sleepily, snuggling against Kari. �Yes. I guess they will.’
She drove in much the same way as she held a conversation. Quick and decisive, her eyes fixed firmly on where she was going. Aksel guessed that Flora wasn’t much used to watching the world go by, she wanted always to be moving, and he wondered whether she ever took some time out to just sit and feel the world turn beneath her. He guessed not.
For a woman that he’d just decided not to be too involved with, he was noticing a great deal about her. Flora wasn’t content with the just-crawled-out-of-bed look for a Sunday morning. She’d brushed her hair until it shone and wore a little make-up. More probably than was apparent, it was skilfully applied to make the most of her natural beauty. She wore high-heeled boots with her skinny jeans, and when she moved Aksel caught the scent of something he couldn’t place. Clean, with a hint of flowers and slightly musky, it curled around him, beckoning his body to respond.
�So… Mette’s never lived with you before?’ She asked the question when they’d got out of the winding country lanes and onto the main road.
�No.’ Aksel couldn’t think of anything to say to describe a situation that was complicated, to say the least.
�Sorry…’ She flipped her gaze to him for a moment, and Aksel almost shivered in its warmth. �I didn’t mean to pry.’
�It’s all right. It’s no secret. Just a little difficult to explain.’
�Ah. I’ll leave it there, then.’
Flora lapsed into silence. �Difficult to explain’ didn’t appear to daunt her, she seemed the kind of person who could accept almost anything. He imagined that her patients must find it very easy to confide in her. All their hopes and their most secret despair. Suddenly, he wanted to talk.
�I didn’t know that I had a daughter until after Mette’s mother died.’
Nothing registered in Flora’s face, but he saw her fingers grip the steering wheel a little tighter. Maybe she was wondering what kind of man hadn’t known about his own daughter. He wouldn’t blame her—he frequently tormented himself with that thought.
�That must be…challenging.’
Her answer was just the thing a medical professional would say. Non-judgemental, allowing for the possibility of pain and yet assuming nothing. Aksel wanted more than that, he wanted Flora to judge him. If she found him wanting then it would be nothing he hadn’t already accused himself of. And if she found a way to declare him innocent it would mean a great deal to him.
�What do you think?’ He asked the question as if it didn’t mean much, but felt a quiver deep in the pit of his stomach.
No reaction. But as she changed gear, the car jolted a little, as if it was reflecting her mood.
�I’d find it very difficult.’
Aksel nodded. Clearly Flora wasn’t going to be persuaded to give an opinion on the matter and maybe that was wise. Maybe he should let it drop.
�In…lots of ways.’ She murmured the words, as if they might blow up in her face. Flora wanted to know more but she wasn’t going to ask.
�Lisle and I split up before either of us knew she was pregnant. I was due to go away for a while, I was leading an expedition into the Andes.’ Suddenly his courage failed him. �It’s a fascinating place…’
�I’m sure.’ Her slight frown told Aksel that she wasn’t really interested in one of the largest mountain ranges in the world, its volcanic peaks, the highest navigable lake on the planet or the incredible biodiversity. To her, the wonders of the world were nothing in comparison to the mysteries of the human heart, and she was the kind of woman who trod boldly in that unknown territory.
He took a breath, staring at the road ahead. �When I got back, I heard that Lisle had gone to Oslo for a new job. I think that the job might have been an excuse…’
Flora gave a little nod. �It does sound that way.’
There was compassion in her voice. Most people questioned why Lisle should have gone to such lengths to keep her pregnancy a secret from him, but Flora didn’t seem disposed to make any judgements yet.
�I never saw her again. The first I knew of Mette’s existence was when her parents called me, telling me about the accident.’
�That must have been a shock.’
It had changed his world. Tipped it upside down and focussed every last piece of his attention on the child he’d never known he had. �Shock is an understatement.’
She flipped a glance at him, then turned her gaze back onto the road ahead. But in that moment Aksel saw warmth in her eyes and it spurred him on, as if it was the glimmer of an evening campfire at the end of a long road.
�Olaf and Agnetha are good people. They never really agreed with Lisle’s decision not to tell me about Mette, although they respected it while she was alive. When she died, they decided that Mette needed to know more than just what Lisle had told her. That she had a father but that he was an adventurer, away exploring the world.’
Flora nodded, her lips forming into a tight line. �And so you finally got to meet her.’
�Not straight away. Mette was in hospital for a while. She had no other serious injuries, she was still in her car seat when the rescue services arrived, but one of the front headrests had come loose and hit her in the face. The blow damaged her optic nerves…’
The memory of having to stand outside Mette’s room, watching through the glass partition as Agnetha sat with her granddaughter, was still as sharp as a knife. He’d understood the importance of taking things slowly, but reaching out to touch the cool, hard surface of the glass that had separated them had been agony. Aksel gripped his hands together hard to stop them from shaking.
�Olaf and Agnetha were naturally anxious to take things at whatever pace was best for Mette and I was in complete agreement with that. I dropped everything and went to Oslo, but it was two weeks before they made the decision to introduce me to her. They were the longest two weeks of my life.’
�I imagine so. It must have been very hard for them, too.’
�Yes, it was. They knew me from when I’d been seeing Lisle, but they wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t hurt Mette any more than she’d already been hurt. Letting me get to know her was a risk.’
�But they took it. Good for them.’
�Not until I’d convinced them that I wouldn’t walk in, shower Mette with presents and then leave again. That was why Lisle didn’t tell me about her pregnancy. Because I was always leaving…’
Aksel could hear the bitterness in his own voice. The helpless anger that Lisle hadn’t known that a child would make all the difference to him. She’d only seen the man who’d wanted to go out and meet the world, and she’d done what she’d felt she had to do in response to that.
�She must have cared a lot about you.’
That was a new idea. Aksel had been more comfortable with the thought that the only emotion he’d engendered in Lisle’s heart was dislike. �What makes you say that?’
�If the thought of you leaving was such an issue to her, then it must have hurt.’
Guilt was never very far from the surface these days, but now it felt as if it was eating him up. �I didn’t think of it that way.’
�You’re angry with her? For not telling you about Mette?’
Yes, he was angry. Rage had consumed him, but he’d hidden it for Olaf and Agnetha’s sake. And now he hid it for Mette’s sake.
�Mette loves her mother. I have to respect that.’
He was caught off balance suddenly as Flora swerved left into the service road that led to a large car park. That was the story of his life at the moment, letting other people take the driving seat and finding himself struggling to cope with the twists and turns in the road. She caught sight of a parking spot, accelerating to get to it before anyone else did, and turned into it. Aksel waited for her to reverse and straighten up, and then realised that the car was already perfectly straight and within the white lines.
�I’d want to scream. I mean, I’d go out and find a place where no one could hear me, and really scream. Until I was hoarse.’
So she knew something of the healing nature of the wilderness. Aksel hadn’t told anyone why he’d taken the train out of Oslo towards Bergen, or that he’d set out alone in the darkness to trek to the edge of one of the magnificent fjords, roaring his anger and pain out across the water.
�I didn’t scream, I yelled. But apart from that, you have it right.’
She gave a soft chuckle, regarding him silently for a moment. �And then you went back home and read all the manuals? Did your best to be a good father, without any of the training and experience that most men get along the way?’
That was exactly how Aksel felt at times. He’d loved Mette from the first moment he’d seen her. But sometimes he found it hard to communicate with her.
�I’ve made a career out of dealing with the unexpected.’
Flora smiled and the warmth in the car turned suddenly to sticky heat. If he didn’t move now, he was going to fall prey to the insistent urge to reach forward and touch her. Aksel got out of the car, feeling the wind’s sharp caress on his face.
Flora grabbed her handbag from the back seat, getting out of the driver’s seat, and Aksel took his notebook from his pocket, skimming through the list he’d made. �I should get some Christmas-tree decorations as well while we’re here.’
She turned to him, a look of mock horror on her face. �You don’t have any?’
Aksel shrugged. �I’m used to moving around a lot. Whenever I’m home for Christmas, I go to my sister’s.’
�Perfect. I love buying tree decorations, and if I buy any more I won’t be able to fit them on the tree.’ She scanned the row of shops that skirted the car park, obviously keen to get on with the task in hand. �It’s a good thing we came today, all the best ones will be gone soon.’
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